I grew out my facial hair during quarantine and then shaved it away while revealing different personalities. Inspired by writing prompts from school, I wrote a short backstory for each character. Try coming up with your own for each one, or create a story with all the characters!

[Reddit Post] 18.6k upvotes!


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Omnivore. Squirrels are not afraid of him, but he is afraid of squirrels. One day while hiking with his dog, he saw a sunlit path twisting into the forest. He thought to himself, “Well I’ve never been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like,” and darted into the trees. General whereabouts are known, but no one wants to venture near where he set up residence within a sea of poison ivy. Curiously, his twitter feed remains active and continues to post emo song lyrics. His dog drove itself home and took over the family and career. No one noticed for 4 months.

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Unknown origin, was found alone as an infant on a half-sunken boat in the middle of the ocean. He developed strong martial arts skills as a child and was used in political and criminal dealings against his will. After killing the very master who saved and raised him, he began aimlessly roaming the countryside thwarting robbers, murderers, and false leaders. One day he came across a clue in the form of a diary detailing the mysterious trinkets that were found with him on that boat. He set off in search for any trace of his ancestry, and perhaps answers to questions he didn’t know he had. With a great personal statement and decent SAT scores, he plans to study computer science in the upcoming fall semester.

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NOT a hipster. That’s not a thing anymore. Stop tagging him on that meme account, he actually curates it. His astrology posts are sarcastic, but no one seems to get that. Freaking Ashleigh totally copied one of his insta pictures from that rooftop view, did a way worse job composing and editing it, and still got like 5x more likes than he did. This same Ashleigh was the one back in high school who would repeat his jokes in class, only louder, and the whole class would laugh. Someone gifted him a Kindle but he prefers to read physical books. Wants you to debate 80’s-90’s era anime with him. Sometimes you’ll catch him writing in a small notebook while looking out from the bridge at the park. DON’T talk to him while he’s doing that. Also he is NOT a hipster. It’s not a thing anymore. Sigh, you wouldn’t understand.

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Banned from cruise ships, Dairy Queen, libraries, buffets, the municipal water district office, Elon Musk’s house, farmers’ markets, cemeteries, all animal cafes except the snake one, and Maplestory. Lately karma has not been on his side, possibly due to his recent habit of finding and harassing real estate agents on LinkedIn. Last night, he left the bar really late and got attacked in the alleyway. They took his watch, wallet, pants, and car keys, but left him his Google Pixel and his customer loyalty stamp card to that trash boba shop. When asked by his friends to file a police report, he said he didn’t want anyone to know it was eight stray cats; one wielding a pocket knife, a kitten with an eyepatch, and the leader of the pack a really big and fat “but very cute” Birman.

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Smoke, Steam, Rain

Where water high meets water low
The waves are never still
Up stiff and narrow flyered stairs
Too close, the cheap tables
On screen, on plates, on money’s mind
But under grasp of law
A clack of tiles and drama tropes
Forget that you had rights


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You wouldn’t trust him with your car, but you would with your bank account. Absolutely terrible at word games. At your 8th grade birthday party he brought the PlayStation and then made fun of all your kid pictures. He is the reason you always lock your computer before walking away. Every time you butter your toast you think about how he once said “butter is bread lotion.” Your plants die when he visits. Actually, he saved your life when you choked on a grape. But it looked like he took a second to think about it. Suspiciously good friends with your mom.

Posted by Anthony Ip

Anthony is an actuary from Los Angeles. He's a Pisces and an INTP. Go away.

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