Star Wars Marathon: Episodes I-VI Review

Your rifles malfunctioned if you actually hit someone

I still get chills down my spine watching this epic. The most important movie in all of American pop culture, A New Hope is the one you cannot go living without having seen it. At least once a week you will see or hear a Star Wars reference and to not understand it is basically living in darkness. WATCH IT.

Episode IV started it all with its introduction to iconic characters, fantastical sci-fi lore, and forever cool lightsabers. You begin with the ‘gripping’ introduction of Darth Vader, explore the sandy dunes of Tatooine, and get towed aboard the fearsome Death Star. It’s become such a classic that it feels like each scene has been made into a meme already. No other series has this level of ubiquity and this many fans. Having knowledge from watching the other films, playing the games, and reading up on Wookiepedia makes this classic all the more enjoyable to rewatch.  SO GO WATCH IT.

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A continuation of the story, you follow the adventures of Luke, Han, and Leia through the planets of Hoth, Dagobah, and Bespin. You’ll meet the ugly puppet of Yoda and the charming mustache of Lando Calrissian. I can’t think of much to say about this episode – it’s just a set of side stories plus the most famous Star Wars scene at the end. The beginning is slow, the middle is slower, and the ending picks up again when the lightsabers come out. I felt like this was just an “in-between” movie and though it was entertaining the first time, I was bored going through this film again. Yeah it’s good but also forgettable.

A Star Wars RPG made by Bethesda please.

IT’S A TRAP! Well this whole marathon was a trap. The final movie of the original trilogy brings a close to this stretch of the saga but will only entice you more to follow the series. Here you infiltrate Jabba’s Palace and meet the Ewoks on the forest moon of Endor. They defeat the Empire with sticks and stones. It closes with an intense confrontation on the second Death Star, and a view under Darth Vader’s helmet that I want to pretend never existed.

Now with Luke’s powers finally realized and many of the characters’ stories ripened, I was overcome with the feeling that I must know more. I need to know what happens in the years following the destruction of the Empire. I need to know the backstories from all the prequels and figure out why things happened the way they did. With so many side characters and implications of deep histories, it’s no wonder that the Star Wars universe was so well developed and maintained in the 40 years that have passed since the first film.

Old sci-fi movies tend to age poorly and though the original trilogy is no exception, it’s mostly the special effects and not much else that has suffered. There’s something special about the look and feel of Star Wars that makes it both timeless and futuristic (a major reason why the franchise still thrives today). A lot of it is also the dedication put into maintaining the original sound effects and soundtracks that make Star Wars so iconic. There are a few corny lines here and there and some retcons I tried to ignore, but none of that detracts you from the antics of C3PO and R2D2, the fear of hearing Darth Vader’s theme, and the awesome space fights.

These movies are far from perfect and in many cases would not meet today’s standards. But they took place in an incredibly cool universe with so many awesome characters and shiny lightsabers. Lightsabers make everything better. Cinematic flaws and old special effects couldn’t shake that.

Qui-Gon: Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

When people say the prequels were bad, the reason is 70% because of this movie. Jar Jar Binks is truly as terrible as you think, and the Trade Federation leaders’ stereotypically broken accents are a complete drag. The conflict between the Trade Federation and Naboo is confusing and doesn’t make much sense. After meeting Padme on Naboo, discovering little Anakin Skywalker’s strong piloting skills on Tattooine, and seeing ET on Coruscant, we go back to Naboo to end this siege that should not have even occurred in the first place. The light at the end of this long tunnel is seeing Qui-Gon Jinn and Darth Maul fight to “Duel of the Fates”. Lightsabers save all.

Overall, this was headed in the right direction, like finding a properly baked cake come out of the oven when you had actually intended to bake a cake. But the movie was littered with terrible lines, horrible racial stereotypes, and a windy plot. Like finding fingernails and paperclips in your cake.

Green screens galore

Some say this movie was the worst in the entire series, but I disagree. Yes, Anakin and Padme are unbearably stiff, but Obi-wan saves the day again with his inherent coolness and wisdom. You start on Coruscant and meet the grown up Anakin, see the development of his relationship with Padme on Naboo, Obi-wan’s investigaion on Kamino, Anakin’s return to Tatooine, and the battles of Geonosis. I agree that some of the worst scenes in the entire Star Wars film franchise can be found in this episode, but at least the story development was there. The scenes on Kamino are my favorite part of this film, but the last part set in Geonosis is blech (save Yoda’s lightsaber battle with Count Dooku). Lightsabers save all.

I…LOVE…YOU…MORE!!!!!

Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman have not improved their acting skills in this film and you have to endure more of this forced romance. C-3PO and R2-D2 literally have more personality than these two. General Grievous is a nice addition to the cast of villains, but his impact is not so big in the movie. Like Darth Maul, there’s a sweet fight scene but not much development on his character. You’ll need to watch the Clone Wars television series to appreciate him. Darth Sidious’ reveal and Anakin’s conversion are set up quite well, but the moment when this becomes finalized falls flat. The best 20 minutes of the entire prequel trilogy comes at the end with the fight between Anakin and Obi-wan. Lightsabers save all.

Many things were done right with the new space fighter designs, intense lightsaber duels, and epic music. But shoddy acting, questionable plot points, and bad CGI hang like a dark cloud over these movies. They gave us a slew of great characters that came alive with great actors, but also a slew of bad characters and bad actors that makes us want to die. This trilogy was secretly great in several ways but also clearly terrible in many others.